One More Time,

Writer's Block: Daily Internet routine

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 09:53:15 GMT

What's your daily internet "routine"?

This struck me as interesting since I was recently contemplating my online life... Since I have only online classes, I initially get online with the purpose of doing work first, but I have unfortunately been addicted to webcomics for the past few months. I follow about 16 that update regularly, and about 3 or 4 more that don't. Thanks to a computer nerd in my biology class, I learned a place I could put the links to these comics to make reading them more efficient. So after I read those, I check out the Escapist where I watch Zero Punctuation, Escape to the Movies with Movie Bob, Unskippable, and Doomsday Arcade (if they've been updated). I highly recommend ZP & DA if you like to laugh & ZP is who I trust for game reviews. Then I check out DeviantArt and see if my favorite artists have uploaded anything new. But if not, or after I get bored, I get started on homework. Despite my efficiency, I somehow end up spending a lot of time wasting h/w time. And lately, if the Muse strikes me I'll waste time drawing. Which has actually made me rethink my major. Oh well, that's my Internet routine.

What's yours?

Reality... I OBJECT!!!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:45:04 GMT

I hope it's a phase. But I seem to fall into it once every year. Maybe it's the sadness in the fall. Maybe it's because I don't leave the house anymore. Maybe Ruth's death affected me more than I thought, on a level I'm not comprehending.

Fall is my stage of immortality. More than that, it's the time Reality and I have a fight and don't talk for awhile.

I haven't been sleeping lately. Rather just going through the motions of sleep. I went to bed yesterday morning at 8:45am. I wasn't tired, but my back hurt. I sleep. I dream. I wake up. But it all runs together.

Been listening to Fireflies by Owl City on repeat for the past few nights. Over and over. Nonstop. I like it. I'm not sick of it yet. There's something in it. The imagery? My memories of fireflies? No... It's laced like a poison with a chord that hits my heart.

I love music. My favorite songs usually remind me of times in my life, or people I know and love, or a time that hasn't happened yet, or something I want to happen. Fireflies makes me remember things I should forget.

I've been obsessed with webcomics lately. I read them nonstop. Start to finish, or where they leave off. Why? I don't know. I like to read. I like to draw. It combines that. I've been reading BL comics for some reason. I don't find it disgusting but it real life... it'd have to be an ideal situation. Very pretty feminine emo boys. But I haven't seen those in a while. And even then... I know guys like that, and they are not sexy usually. But it's made me dream of being a man with long black hair and a son. And I had sex with a woman and a man... at the same time. Eric says houses represent your Self in dreams. My house was build into the Earth. The entryway was lined with moss and vines. And to the left was a giant aviary. Cois in a pond. Cranes with their legs in the water. And giant tortoises. And my bedroom was dark, with red silk sheets. I get this feeling that I hate my boobs these days. I hate being a girl. Maybe I'm bitter because of the problems I've been having involving my lady business that has kept me from having relations with Eric. Maybe I'm tired of having two useless sacks of flesh hanging from my chest that serve me no purpose because they have virtually no feeling in them. Only causes problems when I unknowingly touch someone with them. I want to be one of those gay boys.

I have a doctor's appointment Thursday. I don't even think they set me up with the right doctor.. But that office is so unorganized anyway.

My cousin was killed in a car accident the weekend of Ruth's funeral. I didn't cry for him. I cried for my mom, my brother, and my aunt. I couldn't be sad for him. I know he didn't deserve it, but in all my life, he never said more than "Hey" to me. He was very handsome. He had one blue eye and one brown which I loved. But he was so cold and distant. He got into a lot of trouble when he was younger. But he got into the Army, turned his life around. He was engaged. As he was dying, he held his fiance's hand and repeated, "I love you." over and over. And that more than anything makes me cry. I am disappointed we couldn't have met once during his new persona life. Would I have talked to him? I'm so shy when it comes to everyone, even my family... almost especially my family. Maybe I still would never know him. But he didn't deserve it. It was black ice. He wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Do I really want to design clothing? In the end, I think I do. But I'm scaring myself out of it. I watched a documentary on a type of scholarship competition for the fashion industry. Almost half (if not more) of the people weren't turning a profit on their own. I don't want to be rich, but I want to make an impact. I want people to know me because of what the type of clothing I design means. I get inspired by people's personalities, music, anime, cosplay... I want everyone to dress like a freak just to show that no one is. I want to design clothes that people wear and feel like they are a part of them, not just cloth hiding their Eden shame.

Which brings me back to why I'm posting the ramblings, and why Reality and I are fighting.

Well, beside the fact that Reality is a bitch.

I get very desperately, depressingly obsessed with fiction. And it all started....

Picture a little girl with platinum blonde, gold hair. Peach and cream skin. Brilliant blue eyes. Now picture her with giant turtle shell glasses, ridiculous bangs, insanely crooked teeth. She's crazy. She talks to people that aren't their. But that's because no one is there. No one wants to be there. So she makes people. And that it okay.
Remember how you could "go out" in elementary school.
Imagine watching everyone around you find someone. Even at a young age. It's very lonely. Even your new freak friends. Even the ugly girls. The bitches. The spazzes.
Your best friend is a quiet Native American boy with a speak impediment who likes to pretend games with Godzilla and the chubby nerd boy who follows you both around. Best years of my life, best friends I'd ever have.
Imagine being told that eventually someone will think you're special, call you beautiful, love you... Love. They don't even know what that is. But I do. I love him.
That boy that finds me in my dreams. He has short brown hair that is never groomed, but it's perfect. You never see his eyes but they are deep, beautiful green. Like summer leaves. He has a sweet smile. Every night he holds me in his arms and tells me he loves me and he'll find me one day. And I look for him. I eventually accept that the search will take awhile, but I won't give up and I won't settle until I find him.
As soon as I give up looking for love, it finds me.
He's smart. He does Kung Fu. He's got a sweet smile... But his eyes are brown.
He treats me like I matter, like I exist. He makes me feel special. And as we wrestle each other to the ground, my heart skips because I wish he'd kiss me.
But we are young. And he is with another. Someone too self-destructive to leave. And he moves to Texas.
That's when my grades start to slip.
Then came a gypsy.
Brown hair, sweet smile... brown eyes.
Immediately evident what kind of guy he is. But after the first loss, I've lost all inhibitions. I want that kiss.
One night, I am lonely. I embrace another on a dock over a pond. The darkness is sweet. But the Fall is sadness. In this one's arms, I feel safe. But I can't...
Back to the other. He'll never love me. But that's okay. That's not what I want from him. He's important. He has a following. And they will envy me. Because I have been told I am so beautiful... and I want to believe it. So I kiss him in the moonlight. My first. It is soft and short-lived. But I don't regret it. He's slowly falling into my plans.
The other boy kisses me under the stars and we fog up windows, but I don't lose my innocence. But I would later run a red light and not notice. He would later hate me.
So I gain respect from my new friends, admiration. They all want me. So I sleep with him to try it out. Might as well try it once. He took it too seriously the first time. I am beginning to wonder if it's worth it.

But I've met someone new. Brown hair, sweet smile... brown eyes. He's my best friend, but he doesn't feel the same way. We kiss in the dark and hide what we are. He's just another escape. I love what he means to me. But that first kiss... Unplanned, perfect. The converging of the universe... I knew I'd never stop loving him. But he still pushed me away.
I cried every night those two years.
Eventually, I would give up. Forget these guys. They aren't my green-eyed prince. They are just shadows of what he means to me. My heart was free again.

Then... I met Eric.

Brown hair. Smart. Sweet smile.... Brown eyes.
I didn't want to love him. It was too soon. I didn't even think he was that cute at first. In that suit that was too big for him and made him look too young. He had an odd face. I didn't like it. But Lacey wanted him too. And I was caught up in competition.
We all went to IHOP. We talked until the next morning. And that would be our friendship. Me, Lacey, Jess, and Eric. We were inseparable. I was finally a part of something I had only read about or seen on tv. Friends. We did everything together.
And though Eric and I had everything in common and there was some definite sexual tension, I pushed him away. He didn't have green eyes. It wasn't perfect. Nothing less than perfection.
So he dated Jess, who turned out to be crazy. And while he hid from her at our apartment, he and I got closer. I could be with him and feel like I was alone... but not in a bad way. I couldn't sleep without him in the apartment, and sometimes in my bed. Yes, I became that person. Once I couldn't have him, I realized that I loved him or at least, had the ability to love him. I remember his ultimatum still. We were alone in the living room, and he asked me if I could be with him. I was afraid. I said no. I tried to kiss him goodbye. He'd never let me kiss him before then. I was... disappointed. Not the universe colliding kiss I had once. It made me bitter. Would I compare every kiss to that one from now on?
After much craziness. I convinced Eric to come back to me. And since then... it's like...
He's the other half of my soul or a missing piece. We can talk about nothing, and usually do, for hours. I'm never bored though. Even when he repeats himself constantly. We never argue except about stupid things like whether or not Twilight should be allowed to be liked even though it's not a true piece of literature. Or why should guys put the toilet seat down all the way, can they not just put the rim part down? Or why Trigun should or should not be considered a Western genre anime. He's my match. He's perfect. I'm so blissfully happy to be with someone so exactly like me but not enough to be annoying.

So why am I depressed?

Why am I having thoughts like, "I miss my misery."?

I miss being miserable. And I think it's because I've settled. Eric is not my green-eyed man. Though he's close. He's not the one that held me every night when I was young. Though he holds me every night now. Should I keep looking for the green-eyed boy or just accept that I am in love and could never leave Eric for anyone else but the green-eyed boy?

I know what I miss.

I miss the people that weren't there. They were a part of my heart. There is no one around anymore but the people that weren't there aren't here either.
I miss the field of flowers, glowing in the sunlight. Resting under the single, solitary tree. Watching the shadows dance and hearing the birds sing.
I miss meeting the green-eyed boy in the clearing on the edge of the forest. Dancing to the music that was played by no one. Dancing with the fireflies and the lanterns glowing warmly on the tree's branches.
The spring wind always reminds me.

But Fall is the sadness of lost love in the real world.

I am in love, but sometimes I am sad. I regret.

I missed out on the adventure.

I went straight from, "I decided I do love you." to, "You are my soul mate. Let's get married."

And in this situation, it's the only course of action that could have occurred.

But why couldn't I get that sense of romance and longing. The point where you can't decide if you hate them or if they're wonderful.

Reading webcomics and books destroys me. Which is depressing because reading is my life. But the love in all the books. It's never certain until the end. It's drawn out. Hell, Eric and I never went on a date before we decided we were going to get married. I missed the real romance of a date. The nervousness. The excitement.

I feel like I bypassed my own romance. It destroys me on the inside because, as someone recently reminded me, I am a romantic.

So deep in my heart, I cry for the green-eyed man. Because I may never see him. Or worse, I will see him but I will pass him by because I couldn't give up Eric for a silly dream I had when I was young and crazy.

I just want my life to be like my books or webcomics or movies. I hate you Reality. I hate you for what you've done to me. You've picked on me ever since I was little and you just won't give up.

I have to stop. I have to stop and be grateful for Eric. It's not that I'm not! I am so lucky and blessed and grateful. He's 96.5% of my green-eyed man. He's most of my dream. With him I'm happy.

It's just that when I can't sleep or I read or I hear the song about the fireflies.
I cry for a man I've loved all my life, but will never meet.
I cry for a life I will never live, but will dream of every night.

I feel better letting it out. But I'm still sad. Still mad at Reality.

So I'll just keep giving her the silent treatment until she apologizes to me.

Good night. And. Good morning.

Short Post...

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:51:55 GMT

I actually need to be getting to homework. But I miss writing in here.

I'm hoping to get into the artist vein again. I miss it.

Blergh.

<3

Yup

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:47:42 GMT

Your fairy is called Feather Goblinfly

She is a bringer of riches and wealth.

She lives in high places where the clouds meet the earth.

She is only seen at midday under a quiet, cloudless sky.

She wears pale blue like the sky. She has gentle green wings like a butterfly.

Get your free fairy name here!

I'll seriously post eventually....

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:26:13 GMT

Nothing like sittin' around watchin' Disney movies in your panties eatin' Oreos.

Chapter Three: The Exploration

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:40:30 GMT

It's been a while since my last post.

I will post again soon with more detail.

But I feel today should be marked with something.

A post I can look back on and say... These were the days of change and growth. This is the time of redemption and new beginnings. This is a time for life to begin at last.

I am awake... but I should be asleep.

...G'night world.

When I Grow up, I want to be the Crazy Pidgeon Lady...

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 01:00:54 GMT

Today was a remarkable day.

I went to the park with Eric and talked to the geese. They came very close. I was trying to get them to eat out of my hand but there was one with a limp that I felt sorry for, so I finally tossed him the food.

We also encountered a peacadooskey. Green feathers like a peacock. Body of a duck. Face of a turkey and beak like a goose. He came the closest. I like to think he was the leader. He almost touched my hand but I had ran out of food at that point. We named him Steve.

I witnessed a middle aged man get a hole in one in frisbee golf.

And I saw rainbows in the clouds that the naked eye can't see.

I want to buy myself and Eric a REALLY nice State Alchemist pocket watch since we're now collecting the FMA series.
But both of ours together would cost nearly 100 bucks. It wouldn't be so bad, but the shipping on the one I want is $20... Lame.

Anyway.
That's life.

Hey Regular Penis... SHUN!!!

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 01:14:21 GMT

Internet

Eric's film for his Film class...

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:13:46 GMT

I miss my friends...

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 04:54:45 GMT

Voting tomorrow?
I am.
Know what I did?
Went to each parties site and researched their platforms.

Came to a decision based on facts.
Shouldn't it always be that way?

I'm still running.
But at least this time I have a destination.

God I'm tired.
I'm working nonstop.
Getting plenty of sleep, but my body's exhausted.

The B3 is fun though.

... I still love Eric. ^_^

Get Ready, Get Set. Cuz it's AAAAAALL THAT!!

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:07:05 GMT

Hey there sports fans!

Who missed me? Come on, be honest.

Well I figured I'd wait til I had something interesting to talk about before I posted again, and it just so happens that.. that never happened. No, I really do have some stuff that might be considered mildly interesting to speak aboot.

Well first things first. I got a job and Bed, Bath, and Beyond; or the B3 as I like to call it. It's alright. At first I was totally excited, not quite sure why, but now it's definitely turned into a job. However, the pay is lovely and the people are charming so I don't mind.

School starts on Monday and I'm enrolled in a couple classes. I waited too long to get my scholarship back so I will have to borrow some money from Eric's school fund. I didn't want to, but there's no other way to go about it without skipping a semester.

Speaking of Eric, yesterday was his birthday. He's 20 now, growin' up so fast. I spent the morning with him, then sent him off to hang with his friend while I cleaned the apartment. Then when he came back I was going to let him nap cuz he worked that morning, but he wanted to stay awake. So he watched Family Guy as I made him steak with garlic potatoes and a custom birthday cake. It was a pokeball. I know.. I'm awesome. It was two layered. The bottom layer was Eric's favorite which is just White cake, then the top layer is that cherry flecked vanilla one. The two layers were held together with fudge. The pokeball was half strawberry and half buttercreme with fudge for the border. It turned out pretty good, but I was a goober and forgot to take into account that cake batter rises, which turned out alright cuz it just domed which made for a perfect pokeball. Also I didn't have any Pam or anything so the cakes crumbled alot when I tried to take them out of the pans. Eric loved it though, so everything worked out.

Oh and I bought these candles at B3 that burn different colors. It was the most awesome cake ever. And before dinner I let him open his presents so that he could play something while I was working on the food. I got him Curious Village for the DS, which is what he asked for, but I also got him Ninja Gaiden on the DS and Evil Dead: Fistful of Boomstick, which he didn't ask for but I knew he wanted.

I really wanted to make it special since his birthday is notorious for being unlucky. His last birthday involved his dad disowning him and kicking him out with no place to go. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep all bad from happening. In the morning, a collection agency called on behalf of the doctor that "treated" him when he had his kidney stone saying that he owes all this money. He owes like $4,600 for the whole kidney stone ordeal, because he doesn't have insurance. He has no way to pay it, but they are attacking his credit and all this crap.

On the bright side, ignoring the blaring debt, WE ARE OUT OF THIS SHIT HOLE!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow we move into the new apartment. This apartment is still ours until the 31st, but we're planning on moving out all tomorrow. Lacey's got her own one bedroom townhouse in the same complex we're in, about 3 buildings down. And Eric, Stewie, and I are all moving into a two bedroom townhouse.
We got good news the other day that they are completely redoing our place too before we move in. New countertops, new carpet, the works. I'm more than excited.
This place sucks.

The stoner next door invited his friends to move into the vacant apartment below us. Every night there is techno and the smell of marijuana. There are people constantly peeling out in all hours of the night. And the black people diagonal to us are always fighting and cussing and leaving each other only to come back later and fight some more. And the kids!! Don't get me started. There favorite game is scream as loud as you possibly can for no reason.

The new place I was slightly concerned because we face out onto the road, but I'd rather face that way then towards people.
We're also getting this great used furniture from our friend Kim. They are the loveliest brown couches I've ever witnessed and we're getting them for a steal.

So I'm excited.

I'm also excited that I won't have to wake up in the morning every day wondering what else that damn dog has destroyed that day. I hope it eats Lacey's new place to shreds. She and that dog have both ruined every nice thing that I have. I hope she comes to realize someday that the world is not revolving around her and when she does things they just happen to have consequences for others. Go figure.

Anyway... how about those Olympics? Eh? Pretty exciting. Too bad that one girl kept falling. You gotta know she's beating herself up. Silver's cool too gymnast girl. Silver is cool too. :)

Eric and I are still crazy in love. It's pretty great. The other day we were arguing who loves who more. I was at work texting him on my break about it. That night when I was going home I walked up to my car and there was a rose on my windshield. I came home and there was a rose in the doorknocker. Then I walked in and Eric was on the couch with a rose in his mouth. I laughed. There were 12 roses total and they were all in various places of the apartment. One was in his car in my usual seat. It was sweet. Then he got me a teddy bear the next day.

We were looking around for engagement rings. We decided to get something custom to match our personalities. It's going to have sapphire in it somewhere.

The first ring I tried on, I was terrified. I finally figured out how Bella felt when Edward proposed. You can love a person so much and still be terrified of marriage. It was scary, but exciting at the same time.

I know a lot of people think it's too soon... except for one (Thanks ; ] ).... But I really can't see myself loving anyone else this much and having sooooo much in common and having someone sooo understanding. I'm happy. I don't get depressed anymore. I get stressed but we're always there for each other.

He's not allowed to propose to me until Valentine's Day of next year, and he has an unlucky streak of every girlfriend breaking up with him after 9 months, which for us would be November/December. So ask me again around those times if I'm still in love, and I'll let you know.

I guess that's it. I'm home sick from work today and I'm moving tomorrow... fun times. ^_^

Bollocks...

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 00:38:18 GMT

Well, I am bored. For the first time in a long time.

Unfortunately the tips from faire have finally run out and I find myself running low on money once again. I need a job, but every time I make an effort to go out and look for one, I find myself completely taken over by just life in general.

Eric and I have found a new place to live. It's more pricey than what I wanted but the floor plan will be the most fun for me to play with. I'll be grateful to live with 2 guys. I'd take it over the one girl any day. Ironically, Lacey and I will be neighbors as we happened to pick the same complex in which to reside.

I thought the spark between Eric and I was dying, but then I realized I was on a downward spiral once again. Kinda gay. Luckily I had some meds left which got me back on the right track. I am a happy camper once again.

I cleaned the apartment. Go me. It WILL stay clean. We move in 2 months. We have a long way to go still in terms of cleaning.

I will be happy when I can move out of here. I hate it here. Everything has been starting to go downhill: from neighbors, to maintenance, to management. I'm just ready for a new venue. For better or worse.

My bird died. I'm sad. I predicted it. The universal irony makes me sad.

I love Eric. He's at work. I'm waiting for him to get home. I miss him.

My nails are getting long. It's cool.

Not looking forward to actually moving all my crap. I'm already starting to pack.

My parent's are now officially divorced. As of a few weeks I think. Maybe one. I dunno. My dad has an apartment in Coweta now. I've been helping my mom clean up the house.

My car died the other day. No clicking. Just nothing. Luckily it was the battery, but there was no warning. It sucked cuz it was at an inopportune time.

My summer class is going swimmingly. I've already got over a 100% in the class.

I want to go swimming now...

Anyway. I'm not focused on this right now. I'm thinking about how hungry I am, and I am wanting a Dr. Pepper like it's nobody's business.

Have a Dr. Pepper obsession happening lately.

K'bye.

Dang Good Questions...

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 01:52:06 GMT

1. Are you a dishes or a laundry kind of a woman and why?

I am a laundry woman. Though you wouldn't know by looking at my room. I am more inclined to wash the dishes, as the need is greater when the smell coming from the kitchen is burning off eyebrows. And I'm more inclined to wear clothes that are still somewhat dirty...
Okay, I lied. I'm a dishes woman. It may be gross and I don't like doing it, but there's som ething appealing in the zen of spacing out while cleaning. Laundry is nice, but quick and easy.

2. You and I win the lottery. First step is to leave town, where do we go?

Soul searching in Ireland. Then some hiking, biking, and sight-seeing in New Zealand.

3. If you could witness one historical event what would it be and why?

Nothing specific. Just back when America wasn't modernized and everyone here lived in harmony with Nature.

4. if you were given the option of permantly changing one feature what would it be and why? One of the conditions of the change is that you can not cover it up. So if you choose to have orange eyes no contact would ever change it.

One feature? I'd be more flexible. Physically. I'd want to be able to do back flips and stuff. I like the way I look so I wouldn't change anything there.

5. If you could have the leading role in any story what would it be?

Any one with a happy ending. But if I wanted to be girly for a sec... TWILIGHT!!!
Though it would be pretty wicked to trade places with Bilbo in The Hobbit.

Coexist...

Fri, 30 May 2008 02:04:37 GMT

This is my favorite bumper sticker. I see it around a lot... I'm glad. I want one.

Other versions...

Assorted Blah Blahs...

Tue, 27 May 2008 22:34:39 GMT

Well, it has been a while since I have posted and a hella lot has happened.
I guess for those not interested in a lot of reading I will just say I had a wonderful year of faire, and I'm doing great...

The only complaints I have about this year are the extreme amount of pain my feet and back are in AND that it has drastically changed my opinion on what I wish to do with faire in the future.

I've already decided to come back as a pubber again next year. Charlie very much wanted me to come back which I couldn't turn down considering the bank I made. I'm still not 100% but I would go as far as to say I'm 95% sure. I thought I'd be more disappointed in myself for sacrificing a character I really wanted to do for money, but I realize I'm not just doing it for the money. I met the most people this year, made the most friends, and enjoyed myself the most. I found out it's not as hard to talk to people as I thought. I'm not going to lie that I was pretty much terrified the first day and was taking medication up until third weekend to keep myself from having a panic attack from anxiety, but the last I forgot to take it and found that my only anxiety was a pent up excitement. I was happy and excited. And for the first time I openly cried at the end of faire. I made enough friends that I was going to miss that it got to me.

Anyway, I haven't killed my Haggie idea yet. I think I will test drive her at other faires. Something to hone her for when I've decided I'm ready to dive into a sea of people and command their attention without shutting down mentalling.

Eric and I had a weird talk last night. He wants to go to OSU with me when I do, but the thing about it is that he has money from his grandmother's death in an account that will pay for his schooling to be consecutive. Whereas I can only manage to put back enough money to afford college in spurts. We got into this weird place about him paying for my schooling, which I of course will not let him do. Which then lead to a conversation of marriage and him working to put me through college. Which I will definately not let him do. It was weird that he was even considering marriage. I have thought about it. But I will not marry my first boyfriend... at least I don't think I will. I dunno. I'm more of a let's see how things go and just enjoy our time together now kind of person. But just an odd thought.

Ugh.. I'm bored. And I can't stand typing on this freaking lap top. The crack in the screen has gotten worse and I can hardly see what I'm doing. So I guess that'll be all for now.
Peace out.

Laters ^_^

Sniperess...

Fri, 09 May 2008 02:48:32 GMT

I dunno if I told anyone on here that I got that XBOX 360 Elite, but.. I did.

Been playing Rainbow Six Las Vegas.

Co-oping with Eric is so fun.

I'm the sniper. He's the barge in the door, guns blazing guy. He's good at it.

Something satisfying about gazing through your scope and laughing as an unsuspecting terrorist's head erupts in a beautiful burst of red splatter. Good stuff.

Eric says I have problems.

Loving faire this year. Fun stuff.

Not looking forward to waking up early tomorrow.

Slow...

Fri, 09 May 2008 02:35:19 GMT

What kind of poison is your personality?

Strychnine

Found in countless species of plants, your power is vast, quick, and powerful. Entire armies have been defeated once you've laced their drinking water. Your calling card is most violent, usually causing painful convulsions that affect the entire body which can last for days until you finally tire of your victim. Death is long and drawn out as you walk away leaving them breathless and gasping.

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Reach Out...

Fri, 02 May 2008 01:29:03 GMT

Weird Ass Dreams Leave Me Feeling Ooky...

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 22:51:28 GMT

I had a very involved dream this morning. I say this morning cuz I had an unrelated one last night, but I don't remember what it was about.
My dream this morning was a Harry Potter / Faire / Real Life crossover.

I will begin by explaining lucid dreams to people who don't know. I am not sure if there is another more scientific definition for it, but lucid dreams as I know them are dreams in which you know you are dreaming and can therefore manipulate the dream to go your way. Eric was the one who taught me how to do this. He'd always tell me about all his flying and DBZ themed lucid dreams, and well.. I want to shoot Kamehameha blasts from my hands too. And who wouldn't?!
At first I was opposed to lucid dreaming. I like my random, completely subconcious based thrill rides. If I have never told you about my dreams before, you haven't experienced insanity at its most creative. hehe^_^
Anywho, one night I had a dream and about half way through I was getting bored with it and suddenly realized, "Hey wait! I'm dreaming. I can manipulate this!" So I did. I need more practice. I wasn't able to do much. I was afraid if I tried too hard it'd wake me up.
*Unrelated note to where this is going*- There is this thing Eric does in his lucid dreams. He "closes his eyes" in the dream and asks 3 question, with the first usually being what does his dream mean, like the symbols behind it. Then a voice from somewhere inside him answers. I didn't think he was crazy. I'm totally into that kind of thing. I found it fascinating. It's like a way to connect to your true inner self with nothing in the way. So in my first lucid dream when I couldn't fly anymore, I stopped and remembered what Eric had said. So I "closed my eyes" and asked the only thing I could think of at that moment which was... and don't ask me why.... "Can we do magic?" I was curious alright!!! Now, for the scary part. The voice that answered me wasn't mine. It was an almost mechanical like voice, I can't decribe it. It was almost not like words either. But it was a man/machine's voice and it simply said "Yes." Well, it scared the bejesus out of me so I opened my eyes, but I was still dreaming. So I closed my eyes again and asked, "Really?" To which the voice said, "Yes." .... Ready for the shit your pants scary part? I asked one last question that the voice answered to. "How can we accomplish this?" To which the voice answered simply, "Devil."
Now, this scared me. When I told Eric he said it was fascinating. He had never asked a question regarding such religious type things and then my inner voice told me there was such a thing. This was all very strange since I have no beliefs to my knowledge that magic is an evil thing, but something inside me told me it was. I dunno... It was just weird having a voice within you contradict your beliefs. Because of this, the next time I have a lucid dream, I will ask the voice what it is.
As a side note, the voice only answers 3 questions. When I asked more, the voice slowly morphed into my voice. Then later in the dream I encountered a boy that looked like me, and I think was me. It was weird.
*end unrelated note*

Anyway, my dream this morning.
I was in a huge mansion/ castle. Similar to Hogwarts. I remember looking for something/guarding something. It started out a beautiful spring time day, but as the dream progressed it turned to night and the ground became nothing but mud.
There was a rival group of people coming for what I was guarding/to wipe out our culture.
I was on the side of good. The others were evil.
Now here's the fun(ny) part.
Before battle we were all gathered in the main hall. We were trying to evacuated some of the younger students through secret passages (which I guess also makes it an XMen crossover). I used my lucid dreaming abilities to use the time for goofing around before things got serious. I talked to some people in my dreams. I saw this guy that I liked and thought him into kissing me. lol. And just practiced some magic, to make sure I could do it when I needed it.
Now the battle starts. The castle is bombarded with catapulted fiery rocks. I'm running through halls gathering up stragglers and protecting them from the blasts. We're making a final stand in the front of the castle, while whatever we're guarding is smuggled out the back. I run and run trying to find an opening we can guard. Red and blue blasts of energy are being shot all around me. I finally reach the end of the castle walls. It's on the ground and we're preparing for hand to hand combat. I had picked up this pretty sweet weapon and had been slicing and dicing people as I went. I rounded up my troops and had them keep their backs to the wall. They were not to advance until someone on the other side did. In which case, only one person could advance to match them. Pretty brilliant battle plan I thought. The enemy approaches and at the front line are some orc looking creatures (LOTR crossover). When one advances, I use my shiny awesome weapon which looked something like this..and this to slash their faces and pierce their skulls. The thing about it was that all my "soldiers" where just kids, but they did very well. However, then the second wave of enemies come forward... These are where all the faire people come in. They are all people I know and love and would never ever hurt. Suddenly my fancy pants weapon turns into my phone. It's a Katana so it is still technically a weapon (get it? Bah Dum Ch). I don't want to hurt anyone and the only reason they are on tha side is because they were captured and the bad guy now owns there soul. So I fight one using magic, which doesn't really hurt anybody, and I fight another using my Katana and fists. I actually kicked ass, but since I didn't want to hurt anybody, I didn't. But I was starting to get pissed off cuz no one was taking me seriously (symbolism much?). No matter how much ass I was kicking, it wasn't enough. They just started to ignore me.
Then the fighting all of a sudden stops and we begin negotiations, which I'm not a part of but I'm listening too. And one of my dear dear friends is giving this uplifting meaningful speech, and he mentions me and someone else calling him and letting him vent and now we don't do it anymore, and I felt bad.
Then I woke up cuz the dog was barking.

It's all left me in a very sour mood. I get very introverted after dreams like that. I tried to get ahold of my friend, but he's busy. And I know when I explain this all to him he'll be like, "I don't really care if you call or not. I'm busy anyway." And then I'll feel sad.

Anyway.. That's my thing for the day.

I've actually paused work on Haggie herself and have been taking the time to actually go through all of the packet for Faire. Kinda get a refresher on the basics and the stuff I never read to begin with. So many typos!! I think when I'm done I'm going to go through and correct all the typos (cuz I'm OCD like that) then email it to D and be like "Here ya go.. No more typos!! EVVEERRRR!!!" (<Mommy Dearest reference).

Well I'm outties. So much to do and... less time to do it in.

Washing machine's still broken though. Lacey touched it and it died. I shit you not.

Ugh...

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:41:01 GMT

So much to do. So little time.

I love Jeopardy... huh.

blah.

Blahdy Blahdy Blah Blah....

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:58:55 GMT

Where to begin?

I am very ready for my lease to be up. I don't think it's Lacey. I think it's the dog, but she just HAD to have one. There's nothing like something that requires the utmost responsibility to bring out the irresponbility in people. I'm sick of cleaning up after it and having to watch it when she's not here. At least it's somewhat entertaining. He eats sticks, so thanks to the vast field behind the apartments, there is no shortage of entertainment for him. He chases his tail, hilarious. And his tongue is too big for his mouth so it is either lolled to the side or sticking out a bit in the front... It's the little things.

As for what I will do after the lease is up... Well, Lacey has already made plans to move in with her sister which I had to find out from Eric since she didn't think it was important to tell me (One of the reasons I'm done with this). So, instead of us all moving into a duplex which was the original plan, Lacey will move in with her sister (hopefully help teach her sis's child how to speak since she can't and she's 5 or 6... fuckin' druggies) and I will move in with Eric and his extremely quiet, responsible, hilarious, almost boring friend Stewie. Good ole Stewie. Always on time and plays various instruments which will relax me as opposed to a whiny bark that makes me want to hurt innocent creatures. Anyway... I'm pretty hesitant on the moving in with two guys thing. But actually, there are so many pros that I'm willing to stake those 6 months of my life on it. Eric is a great guy. I'm still not sick of him. Everyday is an adventure, and we're still discovering things we didn't know about each other... *giggles to herself*. He's always late, but so am I. He's actually making me better at being on time because I feel responsible for making him get to places on time. He doesn't eat much of anything that I eat so I don't have to worry about him eating my food (which I fuckin pay for you fat cow... not true. We're all starving to death, but I'm sick of excuses. It's not fair when you eat the nicest thing I have in the fridge then claim we didn't have anything to eat when there is fucking soup!!!!!) We just mesh really well together. I am the only one that is the problem in the relationship. I'm really bitchy, but once the reason I am bitchy goes away, our relationship will be much lovelier. I always apologize too after a bout of bitchyness, that's always important. We are just great for each other. I'm not worried. If I can share a room with him, then an apartment with maybe separate rooms will be no problem. More than likely we'll share one, but still, awesome. As for Stewie.. He's the shy, silent type. He's a funny guy, but is fairly quiet. Compared to some people anyway. He cooks... YAY!!!! And he will actually help buy groceries. Also Yay!

Ew... the dog has intestinal problems... it is very gassy. Nasty.

I got muh hair did today. Yay! It's blonde again. This time the color he put in actually mingled with the brownish color my hair has been turning and turned it into a caramel gold. I like it. It looks tasty. And it smells goooood. I finally put gas in my car too. Back when it was $3.09, 4 days or so ago, I was waiting for the price to go down. Then it went to $3.19, but I had to fill it up a little to get to my classes. Then it went up to $3.29, and I drove around for 2 days on empty waiting for it to go down. Then, when I was going to the bank to get money to actually put gas into my car, I noticed it was $3.39. So I just said "fuck it" and filled the whole thing up. My poor car deserved it after all that driving it did without any gas. But now that I have filled up, I can promise you that it will go back down. You're welcome.

I'd like to take the time to apologize right now for any grammatical or spelling errors. I'm typing on my laptop which has a huge crack diagonally across it and, from that crack, a darkness is oozing out, taking over my screen. So I can't see a lot of what I type. Also apologizing for the foul language. That's just stress. All there is to it.

Oh by the way, my tank is 10 gallons. Cost me $48.38 or something to fill it up. I used to be able to fill it up, hand the guy a 20 and get change back.

Let's see.. What else?

I've been flat broke.
I enrolled for a summer class (gonna ask for the money from my family for my birthday)
And I enrolled for fall classes (hopefully I can find that doctors address to send that letter to to get my scholarship back-- long story, also stressful)
I got the office to come and fix ourkitchen faucet and washing machine. The washing machine is a work in progress. There's a faulty outlet.
OH!!

One thing. Between all the stress, I am still so amazingly relaxed and grounded. It's summer again, the time I thrive. Not so much the day, cuz it's hot, but the night. Summer night's are perfect (If anyone breaks out in Grease songs, I keel you. Grease=stupid).
Just driving along with the windows open and feeling alive. It's good stuff.

Kinda screwed myself though. I got all these classes for fall, but I have no idea how to work a work schedule around that.

Oh, and I cleaned the entire apartment. Yup cleaned up the living room and the kitchen. Still working on my room (omg disaster area), but did anyone thank me? No. There were mountains of bags of trash laying outside the door from all the work I had done, and when her highness got home what was the first thing she said? "We need to take out the trash." And by 'we' she means someone other than her, she's just pointing it out in case we missed it. So picture this... You've been cleaning all day, and you're in the middle of cleaning up thousands of pill casings of allergy pills that are kept in the kitchen for some reason instead of the person the belong to's bathroom. And these packagings have been thrown into the sink for some reason and are clogging it up. The smell is of a rank, spoiled grapefruit and old milk. You are thinking to yourself, I had better wait to take the trash out since I'm still cleaning and will undoubtedly find more trsh so I should wait and take it all out at once. Then your roommate walks in and essentially says, "Why the hell is this place such a mess?"

Anyway... I'm done with the ranting.

Eric is home and we're going to go eat with Stewie.

Hmm.. Oh, one more thing... okay, two more: I'm excited about faire. I poor a wicked cup of beer. Even though I did have a little tard moment. But I'm awesome.

Also, I have so much fun stuff I wanna put on my Haggie page, but I need time to do it. And even now Eric is distracting me making fun of a fat evangelical.

Peace

Raindrops on Roses and Sirens on Cop Cars...

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:53:34 GMT

It is a beautiful day.

I haven't eaten properly in ages.

Everyone in this apartment is flat broke.

And I can't recall the last time I took a shower.

Various things in the apartment have begun to break down, including my relationship with Lacey which may meet it's doom at the hands of a dog. Yet, I couldn't be happier. Birds are singing outside. I'm in love with an amazing guy. And it's my favorite kind of weather.
Lacey calls it gloomy, but I can see deeper into it. I gaze out the window of our living room which is situated within the branches of a tree. I watch the water drip lazily from the leaves, and every so often atcooling breeze comes through and blankets everything like an icy glaze.
It's all very wonderful. I love days like these.

I'm nervous about faire. How strange?

I'm still obsessed with Haggie. I'll update her site tonight. If I don't end up using her, I've accumulated enough stories and background to write a book about her.

Crud, I must hurry so I can shower and go to class. He does not tolerate tardiness.

Laters

You Can Fall Down Now...

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 08:19:22 GMT

Oh how I love Richard...
"What? Are you 4th edition?"

Looking for Group = awesome/hilarious!

Richard makes it worth reading.

Hagitha Elizabeth Cook is Dead... A Gypsy Killed Her.

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:57:44 GMT

A poor daughter of a cook for the castle met her fate not long ago at the hands of a gypsy, who may or may not have been assisted by a well-meaning bar maid.
Ms. Cook was a poor old ugly woman who had never married and was not any good at cooking or housekeeping. Thus, she was tossed out onto the streets to make a living for herself.
With a little knowledge in the way things react when mixed together. Cook found her living in concocting various brews and formulas for varying ailments from foot odor to dandruff.
After facing a few initial mishaps and customer complaints, she was at least able to make a name for herself (albeit not quite a good one).
However, her fame may have cause her own misfortune. A Castleton bar maid, so eager of Haggie's return to the town, engulfed in her own pride, doted on the old woman Cook.
It is speculated by local authorities that one of the town's people, hearing of such a woman, either decided to try her trade for themselves or offered her trade as a means of work to another. A gypsy girl, being well established in the community, thus took the career up.
Upon Hagitha's arrival, there was no need for her services. She was turned away from the town and died alone on her journey to another.
There continues to be speculation on who is to blame for this tragedy, but the truth remains the same. No matter where the blame is to be placed the fact is...
Hagitha Elizabeth Cook is dead.

************************************************
Or is she?

I am quite livid actually, and ready to jump at the throats of whoever may be responsible. However, I must remain calm and collected as it may be no one's fault at all. The fact of the matter is, I refuse to let this woman die. I will fight for her. Even if I must make sure a certain person goes missing, which would be sad because I do like her. I'm just bearing an incredible hate toward her at the moment. I thought maybe ideas could be sacred and respected as belonging to those who had them to begin with, but I suppose that they are instead free game to be picked off at the will of those in higher power.

************************************************

Infuriated ranting aside... Things have been good.
Still in love with Eric and vice versa. Lacey got a dog.. I don't know if I posted that. Long story short: She was going to get a Laso Apso, but they sold it to another girl thinking it was her. So we went to the humane society and got an 8-month old

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Cattle_Dog

mix with some

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siberian_Husky

in him apparently. He's a

http://www.stlmedia.net/pix/photo-dingo1.jpg

There were some initial troubles with him, but he's gotten used to this place as his home so he's less inclined to misbehave. In fact he's asleep at my feet at the moment.

I'm still vigorously working on my pet project (aka Ms Cook). I love her. I won't let her go away without a fight. Other than that it's been business as usual here.

Well, nature calls the dog (his name is Harley by the way) ((I swear he looks like a dingo)).

Later on.

***********
WIP: hagithacook

Weird Dreams...

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:12:49 GMT

I've never had such consecutive dreams about a certain group of people before. Yet it seems every night I find myself dreaming about the same people, always making a mass exodus or something important.

Weird stuff.

Oh well. I guess just cuz that time of year is coming up again.

Yarg.